I try to cover both my ups and downs while externing here (see:  me dropping papers down the stairs and on to patients’ heads; running into doors; writing bad ‘A’ sections; grabbing the wrong jello and never living it down; etc.).  It’s just the truth of the matter:  sometimes you do great and feel awesome and sometimes you do stupid things that make you feel ridiculously embarrassed and/or self-loathing.

I prefer to laugh rather than cry; I usually feel better afterward.  But sometimes you need to cry.

I got my most recent draft of my thesis back a couple of days ago and the short version is:  MAJOR FAIL on the particular section this draft focused on.  I felt I wasn’t being assertive enough at the hospital, my ‘A’ sections had a couple of days of being more lackluster than usual, I was getting my application and cover letter for a particular job I am coveting, and, of course, it was time for my midterm evaluation.  It was a bit much, and a lot of one insecurity (my making a major mistake on my thesis) feeding into others (finding a job, those damned ‘A’ sections, general worry about doing well at my internship) and it’s kind of a vicious cycle.

So after a lot of flailing and general acting/feeling like I have never succeeded at anything in my life, I got home, had a good cry for about fifteen minutes, returned to my laptop, and (fingers crossed) fixed the mistakes on my thesis and re-submitted it.

The point is to pull it together, push forward, and try again.  (And maybe find something to laugh at to cheer yourself up.)

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